Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? So much has happened since I last posted I don't even want to start. The main reason I'm even posting is because today is apparently "Delurking Day." You are supposed to leave a comment instead of just "lurking" on someone's blog page. Hmmm...I do comment on the blogs that I read, I just never leave my own blog address. Maybe that's hypocritical of me? I think it is more that I believe (probably rightly so) that the bloggers I read (with the possible exception of family members) have little or zero interest in me, whether I comment on something they've written or not. That said, I will try to "lurk" less and comment more this year, though I don't promise to share my own blog site with anyone.
It seems harder to live away from the hustle and bustle of my brothers and sisters lately. I love having my kids close enough to visit on a regular basis, but I miss the chaos that is unique to St. Louis. Why is it harder now than it was before? Several reasons, the main one being that my oldest sister passed away unexpectedly the day after Christmas. It is hard to lose a sibling, even if one is not particularly close to that sibling. It is even harder to grieve alone. I find it difficult to express these feelings to others; partly because I feel remorseful and guilty for not including this sibling more when I would visit St. Louis. I find that I think of my sister a lot more than I ever did before--such as when I work out, since over the past year she worked out a lot--to the tune of losing 108 pounds! I also find myself thinking about how much I didn't know about her and how now I will never have the chance to ask. I miss her.
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4 comments:
Gosh, how about also "Depressing"?! Not delurking - I don't lurk - but you sound so sad! I wish I were up there to give you a big hug! I imagine Margaret is having the same problem - it's hard to be so far out sometimes. I don't have anything great to comfort you with, but you should remember - Kathy wouldn't want you to always think of her with sadness, she was so full of joy! No matter how much or little you did with her, I can't help but think that while she would be glad she's missed so much, she would want people to remember all the good stuff and not dwell on the less-than-perfect memories.
((HUGS))
Happy DL Day (yeah, I'm late)!
I hope today is less dull and dreary for you. I agree with the delurking philosophy -- when people leave comments I think it shows they were interested in what the blogger had to say and have an appreciation for the blogger taking the time to write. I don't comment on every blog entry, of course, but if something moves me particularly, I'll comment.
I agree with Karen's comment -- you sounded so sad in your posting. I feel you pain, for what's it worth, and I would give you a big hug, too, if I were there. I know Kathy wouldn't want us to be so sad, but knowing that doesn't seem to ease the sadness much. Based on my experience with Dad's death I guess it will just take some time before the sadness doesn't overwhelm the happy memories. Until then, tears will fall.
I've been very remiss in not reading your blogs, Liz. This one in particular pierces my heart. No one should ever have to suffer such desolation, especially when there is no one in the immediate family there to comfort you. I will always have some regrets over Kathy, but she did know how proud I was of her and how much I really enjoyed her these past few years and the times I shared with her and her fantastic hats. I too am desolute some days, and just want her back, but would never want her to suffer just because we want her back. God will help us through this. I love you so very much. I'll see you soon.
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